Political Poetry

A floundering leader I…

(Corby-Poo:) A floundering leader I — A thing of i-sol-ation, Of ballots, songs and banners, And dreary Labour lies! My manifesto’s long, Through every passion ranging, And to your votes a changing I tune my supple song! I tune my supple song! Are you in sentimental mood? I’ll sigh with you, Oh, sorrow, sorrow! On Blairites […]

August 14, 2016

The Salmond and the Darling.

The Salmond and the Darling Were watching through the night; They cheered like anything to see Such quantities of votes: “So long as this were going our way” They said, “it would be grand!”   “O Voters, come and vote for Yes!” The Salmond did beseech. “An increased dole, no need to work, Life will […]

September 19, 2014

I am the very model of the Paedo-finder General.

I am the very model of the Paedo-finder General, I love investigating celebrities, and I’m chastely puritanical, I twat on Twitter and with privacy I’m economical; I’ve learned to speak at conferences, colloquia and seminars I’ve even sent impassioned pleas to European commissars I never miss a tv slot because it’s free publicity I cough, […]

June 6, 2014

The Miller's Tale (with apologies to Chaucer!)

            “Now herkneth,” quod the Millere, “alle and some”! But shorte I make an apoligacion That I am breiv; I knowe it by my soun. And therfore if that I mysspeke or seye, Wyte it the Speakere of the House, I you preye. For I wol telle a legende and […]

April 7, 2014

For Huhne, the Pryce of Justice.

When you’re caught in speeding carMakes no difference who you areIf she takes your points, she gainsA hold on you. Later when you dash her dreamsYou’ll regret your foolish schemesWhen you cheat you’ll come unstuckAs schemers do. Fate’s unkindShe brings to those who cheatThe just fulfillment of their secret wronging. Like a bolt out of […]

March 19, 2013

Conflict of Interest

In the NHS, we face a conflict of interestNo pilot studies from a market fundamentalistLosing all the benefits of aggregate demand to the invisible handAt least one company can’t procure and provide at the same timeOh wait, they canDon’t be surprised by the quality of fake hipsCompetition reminiscent of the Scottish PremiershipClegg thinks his grandfather […]

January 28, 2012

Friday Limerick Competition

The too-Coldingham Turbine… Though a turbine to some may seem pleasingWhen it’s blowing quite briskly or breezing,In the winter’s deep chillWhen the air is quite stillThey need heaters to keep them from freezing. If to own them you still do aspireAs the subsidies mount ever-higher,You should know that a galeMay well cause them to failAnd […]

December 9, 2011

“Six Weeks to Save the Eurozone” – Osborne

Try to dismember Greek debt by November That ton of cash they begged and borrowed Serial offender, they’ve been on a bender They spent like there was no tomorrow Tried to pretend they could endlessly fend off The austerity which must surely follow But in the end, ah, it’s something they’ll just have to swallow […]

October 2, 2011

Prescott Doggerel.

It’s an iniquitous thing to be A two-Jag own-ing Labour man like me, (Chauffer-driven 20 yards in case of showers) While the Red Flag flies aloft at Prescott Towers! Such a notorious bloke as me Deserves to get his toilet-seats for free After breaking one or two at Prescott Towers While sitting on the lavat’ry […]

September 18, 2011

In the Land of the Rising Scum

I’ve torched a shop in Croydon Town,Its trading days are done,Its flames have set the sky alightAnd I’m famous in The Sun. So don’t call me a failure,Admire my nicked blue jeans,My iPads, phones and trainers, Man,And five new plasma screens. The only thing a looter needsIs a mask and i-ron barTo smash to bleeding […]

August 22, 2011